So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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