On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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