They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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