I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
