Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
