So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
