Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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