You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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