I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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