Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
