how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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