so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
