i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am mentally ready for anal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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