i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've blown a few things in my day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My vagina is officially offended.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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