well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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