the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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