My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
