i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
