you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
