I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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