i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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