My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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