ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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