his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
