We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
