No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My penis needs a shock collar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
