Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
