Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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