your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
