This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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