Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
