Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
