i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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