i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
