: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
babies were throwing up all over the place
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize