saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
