I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
