so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
