new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
