Michael Bay diarrhea
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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