He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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