I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
