Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
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