if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
