I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Randomize
