i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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