can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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