Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
