I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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