and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
