The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
