its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
