my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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