I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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