Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You're like the curious george of whores
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
