I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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