my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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