I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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