im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
