I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
