I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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