bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
