Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
