Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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